Seeing as it's the start of the week and there are five long days in which to fill that cavernous rugby void, i've dug up some funny and downright stupid quotes from the world of rugby. to keep you entertained.
Anyone who has watched rugby in New Zealand can recall more than a handful of Murray Mexted's clangers in commentary. My favourite to date was when he described Daryl Gibson's relationship with his Cantebury team-mate Andrew Mehrtens, remarking: "He's been coming inside Andrew Mehrtens for years now..." Simple...but a classic nonetheless! Anyways...I've tried to spread out the quotes between the different positions on the field. If you know any belters which i've missed out on...please let me know in the comments below!
THE FRONT ROW UNION: Anton Oliver
Anton Oliver could be seen as a bit of a philospher at times and certainly spoke with a lot of inteligence. He was no dunce, gaining two degrees in his career, finishing off at Oxford where he read for an Msc in Biodiversity. He did though come up with this remark which wasn't quite up to his usual standards! "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - Anton Oliver you are a gentleman and scholar.
THE ENGINE ROOM: Jono Gibbes and Troy Flavell
Jono Gibbes was a leader of men and regarded as a bit of a thinker on the field during his time with the Chiefs...enough to earn himself a few caps under Graham Henry in 2004. He came up with a stinker though when he commented: 'Nobody in rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein'. For that, Jono gets a place in the locks and is Captain of our Dunce's team!
Troy Flavell was a player with huge physical capability and plenty was hoped for from him early on his career. He never really delivered on that potential though as he always seemed to get caught up in trouble. Perhaps, he just wasn't quite all there upstairs. As his former coach David Nucifoa commented...."I told him 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'" To which Troy replied..... 'David...I don't know and I don't care.' Couldn't have summed up Flavell's flaws any better myself really!
THE HARD MEN: Jerry Collins, Chris Masoe and Rodney So'oialo
These three monsters were stalwarts of the Hurricanes for the best part of a decade and were pretty integral to the AB's too. They came up with a few clangers though when it came to talking with the journo's.
Jerry Collins, who famously had his biceps reduced to make it easier to play rugby once commented "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body". Yeah Jerry....I would keep to scaring the bejesus out of the opposition if I were you. You may have a bit of trouble getting into Med School.
His backrow partner and Hurricanes Captain Rodney So'oialo studied towards his degree while playing rugby professionally. Let's hope his understanding of his subject was better than his perspective of time. In response to being asked about how his studies were going he answered: 'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes'.
Chris Masoe added further crunch to the backrow and perhaps placed a little less importance on his depth of knowledge, and a bit more on 'gettin jiggy with it'. Following a trip to Egypt, he was asked whether he visited the Pyramids, to which he replied: 'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to'
THE CONDUCTORS: Kevin Senio and David Holwell
Senio became an All Black contender during his time with the Crusaders and had some insightful play inside Dan Carter. His insights into the different menatlity between playing a day game and a night game was not quite so sharp though: 'It's basically the same, just darker.' Well Kevvy's not wrong I guess!
Former Northland and Wellington Hurricanes legend David Holwell must have had his mind elsewhere when he came up with this one during preseason. "I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first." Thankfully for the Taniwha stalwart, his boot was more on the ball.
THE FLASH HARRYS: Tana Umaga and David Campese
Everyone remember's Tana's "It's not tiddliwinks quote' but there's another that went under the radar. Upon calling time on his career he indulged in a public love-in, saying "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.' Still a NZ legend though!
David Campese had a big mouth and the talent to back it up. However even his team mates didn't exactly rate his intelligence on the field. Aussie World Cup Winning captain Nick Farr Jones once commented about Campese: "He's the sort of player whose brain doesn't always know where his legs are carrying him.''
..........and the Good!
I can't leave you with the impression that rugby players are all brainless though, so to finish off with, here's a Cantona-esque 'when the seagulls follow the trawler' quote from the irish captain Brian O'Driscoll!
Upon being asked of Martin Johnson's management of England in 2009, he remarked:
"Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad".
Just look at his smug face, he knew it was a real humdinger! Enjoy!